10:30 AM - Cindy's Kitchen

Tea bags magically flew off my shelf this morning and landed on the hot electric stove catching on fire while I'm holding a hot pan filled with scrambled eggs in one hand and a hot cup of coffee with just a touch of almond milk in the other. All of my fancy schmancy organic tea bags caught on fire, I dropped half of the eggs on the floor, spilled most of my coffee while reaching for kitchen tongs to grab the burning tea and throw it in the sink.(There goes the smoke detector. These things are so inconvenient when your life isn't in danger.)

*sigh*

This was all after I came back from a ridiculously early visit to the car mechanic where I found out that instead of patching a flat tire, I had to buy two brand new ones. Sure they had about 50K miles each and were treadless... but no matter what happens, I always leave this place feeling jipped. 

And now I'm out of tea :( 

Bleh.

Bilingual-Curious?

Are you bilingual-curious?

Have you always wondered what it would be like to speak another language?

Well, you've come to the right place.

I'll tell you what drives me crazy...

• Every other day you wake up with what you think it's a thick accent that makes you never want to speak again.
• You avoid certain words like the plague because you don't like the way they sound. I hate the word "question." I never say it right - quescheeon, questtttion, queshohn... who knows. I avoid it. I don't like the word "excerpt" either. I get tongue-tied and I never say it well. I'll say "passage" instead. "Chicago" is another one. There's are no "ccchhhh" sounds at the beginning of words in Spanish so it's foreign to me.
• You wonder why everyone else's accent is exotic and want to hit your head against the wall every time you say "race" instead of "raise."
• I count mostly in Spanish and have no reasoning for this.
• People think you're just as fluent in one as you are in the other. My father will still yell at me for not keeping up with Spanish grammar. He sees it as loss of culture... and I agree. I'm working on it.

 On the other hand...

• I'm bilingual and bicultural - the best of both worlds.
• Books in Spanish feel and flow completely differently... I love reading them!
• My job prospects are higher because I'm bilingual (although mediocre because I'm an English grad student... ha!)
• I'm only exotic in Springfield, Missouri where they would've held me in a lab for further research if I allowed it.
• I dream in BOTH languages!

All of this came about because I just finished reading the short story The German Refugee by Bernard Malamud. I wrote some thoughts on the short story and really got to thinking about being bilingual and the unforeseen troubles that come along with being tossed into a new life. Plus, tons of the student essays I grade have to do with their insecurities as bilingual young adults and it really makes me want to show these kids that everything will be just fine.

The truth is that there are no cons to being bilingual, but there are just a few hurdles here and there mostly having to do with adaptability and confidence. I'm thrilled to be in a position as a teacher to show these kinds that anything is possible!

Language really IS wine upon the lips............

(pics via vi.sualize.us)

Mental Nougat & Stuff I Read In School

Because I apparently don't have enough to do with work, school, and what has been called a rather dismal social life, I decided to create two more blogs. There is a method to my madness, however, and I shall attempt to defend my reasoning as follows... 

STUFF I READ IN SCHOOL

This handy little page will be filled with book reviews, literary analysis, and short author bios. You see, I already have to do this for school so I figure I would share some of it, learn more on the way, and possibly help someone along the way.

MENTAL NOUGAT

I've wanted to do this FOREVER and I finally put it together. It's just a compilation of quotes I like and that mean something to me somehow or other. I started with all the ones I've used on this page so they should look familiar. I figure that over time it'll turn into a nice mini-database of goodness:)

Not too crazy, right?

Now go over there and follow me so I don't feel so lonely!

Cheers... To Alcohol!

Conversation with dude at a bar in Miami:

Dude: You're really pretty

Me: Thanks! That's very sweet of you.

Dude: I'm hammered. 

Me: Then I'm not neeeeearly as pretty as you think I am. 

*Gets uncomfortably close to me and stares into my eyes*

Dude: No no, you are.

Me: Well, thank you. 

*He reaches for car keys*

Me: You probably shouldn't drive home.

Dude: I live right there. I'm a medical student at UM.

Me: That's great! I'm a grad student myself.

Dude: How old are you?

Me: Thirty-two

Dude: Wow! You're TWO years older than me! I'm 28.

>>>>>>AWESOME<<<<<<

This character MIGHT be saving my life one day.

Walking The Talk

 Aaaww folks...I'm neck-deep into it.

My free time has whittled down to zero...zip...nada. My car is accumulating miles and miles and miles of extensive travel time. I'm lost in presumptuous theoretical readings, some great stories, and a group of kids that once in a while surprise me in very unexpected ways.

You hear that? That's the bell ringing - school has begun!

I'm an English grad student with a full scholarship and a chance to teach freshman writing. Today, I'll be leaving soon for my Black Literature Theory seminar where we'll be discussing a great poem by Walcott, a seriously dense book by Paul Gilroy, and some very interesting studies here and there. Tomorrow will be back to Literature of Exile where my professor likes to point out he's a little crossed eyed and that's why he ended up marrying his wife. She thought he was looking at her when in fact he was checking out someone else. I like him. Thursday I'll mosey over to pedagogy training where hopefully I'll pick up good tips on how to give gold stars and detention slips (probably not to the same kid). Can I send college freshmen to the dean's office?

And I also got to read and grade my first set of essays - four of which were plagiarized and another that was so disturbingly violent, I actually told the Instructor this kid might be slightly damaged. And by slightly I mean get him out of this class he just might shoot us all. I did, however, get a note from a student telling me I was a wonderful TA... it's the little things:)

So there you go! The road to blissdom is paved with nerdy reading glasses, good books, and strong coffee.

I still don't have a routine nor a good grasp on how long it'll take me to read and write certain things. I'm still in awe of the overwhelming amount of technology where one doesn't just show up to class to collect a syllabus anymore but has to find the class wiki site instead. I'm still trying to figure out how to get these kids excited about writing instead of twisting their arm just to get them thinking about a literacy narrative.

And I'm happy.

I'm so incredibly happy and thankful to be here. I haven't seen my friends in a while and I've fallen incredibly behind with Criminal Minds on A&E, but nobody said it'd be easy. In fact, most people I know said it was pretty insane!

Hhhmmm.... How many of YOU have taken a giant step in the direction of your dreams lately?

It's great to be here!

Being Less Human: Attachment and Love

So that's the definition. Simple, precise and straight to the point.

Then why can't I wrap my head around the concept of loving..... minus this pesky attachment... thing.

Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.

I had a long conversation with a friend about it and alright, fine, it makes sense(ish). When we are attached to something we suffer when we loose it, our egos are bruised, our feelings are hurt, we feel lost, in despair, and some of us retrieve back in our cave where ice cream and pizza seem to fulfill all the necessary needs. 

Sound familiar?

Yeah... me too.

But bliss, impermanence, and un-attachment are CORE principles of my beliefs and I've grasped the prior two... and yet this third one... not so much. Ugh, who am I kidding, I'm still working on the impermanence factor and it's not that I don't accept it, I just don't wanna. I DON'T WANNA. Every single day we drive to work or step out of the house there's a chance it will be our last. Yet, most of us, aren't terrified of doing so and are still worrying about buying a bigger television and a smaller cell phone. For what? 

Well that was an interesting tangent... in the words of Oscar Wilde:

I'm so clever, I don't even understand a single word of what I'm saying.

But how do you LOVE and I mean really LOVE without missing your lover when they're away for the week? Not that relationship advice coming from me is SO apropos, but isn't waiting, wishing, and wanting what makes us feel alive? Well, I guess it can also be  excruciatingly painful depending on the situation... and that's where not being attached comes in. It all goes back to being less human and living from a higher plane... huh...

Did I just answer my own question?

Grasping at things can only yield one of two results: Either the thing you are grasping at disappears, or you yourself disappear.  It is only a matter of which occurs first. ~Goenka

Cindiland in Pictures

View from my kitchen today

Really dude? The beach is DOWN THE STREET.

My little sister watching the World Cup

How I feel about her

BFF Brian performing at the Improv ;-) The more I drank... the funnier he got!

What our friendship is like...

What I do for money nowadays... *sigh*

Note to self:

What I really need to be doing...

 Ha! Just kidding! (I won't write nearly as much on the board--> I hate chalk.........)

Grad school starts August 23rd so I might as well nerdy-up RIGHT NOW

 Yeah!

Well... It's Official...!

There you have it... my grad student ID in all its glory. A mug shot that declares my undeniable status as president of nerdville and proof that I'm no longer making up excuses not to go out with you. I will in all actuality... be rather busy. I just downloaded the reading list for my three courses and it includes about thirty books I'll have to digest in three months. THIIIIIIIRRRRRTY. THREE-ZERO. Yes, that's 10 books a month and about 3 per week. I already miss you, my sweet sweet tivo.

But this is it, right?! This is what I wanted! A chance to study and read and teach and change the world! 

***Sigh*** 

Then why is it so stomach-turning scary?

Because of change is scary and I'm all kinds of insecure that I'll be the one person in class who hasn't read the one book everyone is talking about and dissecting line by line. Because I still have to work and pay for my existence since my yearly scholarship stipend might just cover the cost of coffee for the year. And because a new routine awaits and I have no clue how all the pieces of my life will coexist.

But they will... right? They HAVE to....

Insecurities creep up on me like fungus.

But I'm here now and there's no going back... I've got a full scholarship to back me up and a solid supply of big girl panties to get me through the tough times. 

Let us never forget the words of the brilliant Friedrich Nietzsche:

When a woman turns to scholarship there is usually something wrong with her sexual opportunities

... wait... WHAT?!

Gratitude Note - Back in Business ('Bout Time... I KNOW!)

 Isn't time I follow my own advice and not lose track of what's important?

I got to spend an entire month with grandma in Chile and how many of us pack up and leave it all behind for 30 days? She told me so many stories, we bought fresh EVERYTHING at the fruit market, we watched soap operas in the afternoon, we played with Monito, and we spoke of things I never really wanted to speak of... It was amazing. I can't wait to see her again.

I sure do speak a lot of friends and family around here but honestly --> YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW (in Spanish... "uno cosecha lo que siembra") and I'm incredibly thankful that at some point I figure out I needed to foster these relationships. *warm and fuzzies*

Teachers along the way... thank you for inspiring me to BE you.

And this week I'm also thankful for John Cusack and the movie Hot Tub Time Machine. I hadn't LOL'd so much in a while. And thank you Patricksmatrick for watching it with me and bring it over!

It's WAY funnier than you think it's going to be. Good times:)

So that's that... short and sweet but full of love and goodness and the incessant need to share it along the way.

ART! LOVE! BEAUTY! KINDNESS! BLISS! HAPPINESS! --> It's all yours for the taking.

What ARE you waiting for????

_________________________________

Grab this icon and start your own weekly gratitude entries. Let me know so I can link to your page every time you do so and post it on my note:)

 

<a href="http://www.wineonlips.com" target="_blank"><img alt="Language Is Wine Upon The Lips" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v651/cindy2685/d5bc107c.jpg"/></a>

Today's Thought...

I'm going to keep an ongoing entry of all the quotes I post at the top of my page. I think it'll be a nice record of positive reinforcement and the occasional wacky thought that I'm sure will slip in there soon enough. The permanent link to this will be right up there as well. Brilliant, eh? :)

So let's begin...

9/4/10
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive? ~ Homer Simpson

8/31/10

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. ~ Oscar Wilde


8/18/10
...re-examine all you have been told at school or church, or in any books, and dismiss whatever insults your soul... ~ Walt Whitman

8/16/10

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. ~Drew Carey

8/13/10

We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered. ~ Tom Stoppard

8/10/10

All of your scholarship, all your study of Shakespeare and Wordsworth would be vain if at the same time you did not build your character and attain mastery over your thoughts and your actions. ~ Mahatma Gandhi 

8/3/10

The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behavior. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well? ~ Henry David Thoreau
 

8/2/10

Quote I WANTED to post but it's too long and it won't fit: 

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. Anger is only one letter short of danger. If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; if he betrays you twice, it is your fault. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses much more; he who loses faith, loses all. Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't life long enough to make them all yourself. Friends, you and me ... you brought another friend ... and then there were three ... we started our group ... our circle of friends ... and like that circle ... there is no beginning or end ... yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why they call it a present.”  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Quote I actually posted:

Do not, under any circumstance, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth. ~ Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran

8/1/10

Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before. ~ Joseph Campbell

7/28/10

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! LIVE THE LIFE YOU'VE IMAGINED. ~ Henry David Thoreau

7/25/10

I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer. ~ Rainer Maria Rilke