I had an unexpectedly great talk last night with a co-worker. We were just supposed to meet to go over some documents, but we ended up having a great meal, tasty drinks, and a delicious conversation about love, life, work, career, and the funny vending machine by the lobby where you could buy a Bentley or a quarter-million dollar condo (you’ve got to love South Beach).
Main topic of the night ended up being the settling, or what I like to call the insipid life. I realized a while ago that this was one of my biggest fears: living vanilla, being numb, not really feeling much, not caring one way or the other, and so on.
About five years ago I made the incredibly difficult decision to leave a very tasteless situation. By now I would’ve had ten years in a great, global company with amazing benefits and a sure climb up the corporate ladder. By now I would’ve been married living in my colorful house with a cute pet and a lovely rose garden. And by now, I would certainly be waking up in the middle of night wondering where I went wrong and how could I be so unhappy in such a seemingly perfect life?
I admit I didn’t really have much of a plan when I left it all behind, and don’t quite recommend everyone goes through such an abrupt change, but the risk paid off!
I just wanted to feel again.
Whether it was anger, lust, ecstasy – I just wanted to feel something.
And so I took a giant leap of faith with the thorough understanding that although I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what was even right for me, the present was not ideal and needed to be changed. It took me a few years to make that choice, but I finally did.
Five years ago life wasn’t bad; it was okay. Life was routine, the future was certain, and I was everything everyone expected. Actually, I just realized that I was also incredibly BORED.
My father told me not too long ago that he was surprised, slightly disappointed, and rather scared when I showed up to his place with all my stuff packed in my car, unemployed and with no where to go. Today he believes it to be one of the bravest things he’s ever seen anyone do and is very proud of me. I’m proud of me too!
Last night I was reminiscing a bit about this experience with my co-worker, and we realized that most of our friends and family have really just embraced the vanilla, and do a very good job at convincing themselves that this is just the way life is. They preach about relationships being hard and how you should really work at them. They say that you’re supposed to hate your job, that’s why it’s called work. They say that life isn’t a fairytale and that we should be happy with what we’ve got because it could always be much worse!
I rather think not.
I rather th
ink life is wonderful and an ongoing adventure. I rather think I’ll meet someone that’ll share in my happiness, grow along with me, and learn from each other’s bliss. I understand relationships require compromise, but they shouldn’t be an arduous chore. I rather think I’ll wake up every day excited to begin work and that this work will be positive and will somehow make this world a little better. I rather think that constant flux is a blessing and not something we should fear. And I truly, certainly want to look back at my life five years from now and be even prouder of whom I am and the wonderful legacy I am leaving behind.Saturday I received this from a dear friend:
...if one advances confidently in the direction of [her] dreams, and endeavors to live the life [she] has imagined, [she] will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.... - Henry David Thoreau, WALDENI couldn’t agree more.
20 comments:
CHOOSE VANILLA!!! Or...don't. That's a cute cartoon sign - "memorable" vs "average," but in reality no such crossroad exists. Whatever choice we make, we can make it memorable or average... it's how YOU live the life you choose. Since we never get to know what the future has in store for us, AND in the future we can never know what life would have been like if we had chosen "chocolate" instead, I rather prefer Robert Frost's "The Road not Taken" and the perspective it yields... http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~wldciv/world_civ_reader/world_civ_reader_2/frost_road.html
So why not choose Vanilla!!?? With the present Cindy-full-of-knowledge-and-experience on that road it can only be amazing and wonderful. Don't be afraid...just choose...and live it! And when you get to the NEXT crossroad, you get to choose again. :)
In the resounding words of an admirable woman that I know, "Go ahead and ta-a-aste it!!!" ~ G.
Thanks for chiming in with such a thoughtful comment! :)))
I guess I'm speaking from personal experience and choosing safe and vanilla NEVER made me happy. Sure, our happiness is always a choice and we can always make the best of whatever we choose. But why put yourself in a bland situation in the first place? I know I'm not in full control and what happens and the future is - for all intended purposes - quite uncertain. However, I'm finally aware of what does excite my spirit and I will tailor my life towards that:)
Hope to see you around here more often!
Sometimes I enjoy being vanilla. Sometimes I'll add chocolate chips. Sometimes I'll let go of the chocolate chips and add caramel sauce and sprinkles. Life is full of endless possibilities! I just go with the flow. Thanks so much for your post. Quite inspriring. Peace and blessings...
Wow! I'm so glad you made a comment on my blog so that I could find and read this post!!!
I couldn't agree more. My life is not exactly as I thought it would be when I was planning for the future. Hubby and I thought we'd have a house full of kids and weekends filled with swimming lessons and little league games. I thought my destiny in life was to be a mother. Unfortunately, my body had other plans. So, rather than wallow in self-pity and maintain the life that "happened" to me, I accepted the inevitable and learned to challenge myself everyday to be who I want to be. I learned to hike, I learned to rock climb, I learned to love working out, I'm learning photography, I could go on and on. But, I think the point is that I learned that just because I'm not who I thought I would be doesn't mean I'm not who I want to be right now. Thank you for inspiring me to think about that!!! I look forward to reading more about you!
I agree Ebony! I'm up for chocolate and sprinkles ALL the time:) Blessings right back at ya!
Hi Jenny!! I'm so happy you stopped by! And I'm even happier you liked my post:)))
It's like we all have these ideas of what life would be like and then we're all out of balance because it doesn't always work out that way. I'm glad to hear of everything you're doing! I actually clicked on your blog because I loved that picture of you on top of the world. I thought, well... anyone who's done that has to be interesting:)
I guess one of my biggest lessons is that life does happen, but we are always in control of what we choose to feel or do about it. It's not always easy, but as long as you at LEAST know that principle, then eventually you'll start practicing what you preach.
It's very nice to meet you and keep in touch! I'm going to go snoop around your blog now:-p
I would like to find out if your attitude comes in pill form!
It is true that we are never really locked into just one path. Often, we just think we are. I am old enough to have made a few smart moves that seemed stupid at the time and a few stupid moves that seemed smart at the time. I learned from each one.
You have an inspiring energy for life that comes through in your writing. Thank you for sharing it.
Namaste'
Roger
Hi Roger! I wish I could buy those happy pills! I could use some when I'm stuck in Miami traffic:-p
I agree... no one is locked down to anything. I really believe the universe lets us know if we are on the right track and it's up to us to listen:)
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on Blisschick so I could find YOUR wonderfully written and full of life blog.
Vanilla...yep. Or "quiet desperation" as our man Thoreau would call it.
I think people get confused, though. They think that we mean that life has to be DRAMATIC and BIG and LOUD in order not to be vanilla.
For some people, the most exciting life would be to have some peace.
Different for everyone.
And THAT is the point: if your life looks like all the lives around you, all the lives on TV, all the lives of all your family members, well...maybe, just maybe, you are living a "pre-programmed" existence and haven't really challenged yourself to make choices and take risks.
Hi Christine! I'm a big fan of your Blisschick! :) I like the "quite desperation".... that makes a lot of sense. And I agree - vanilla can also be loud of chaotic and it's still bland and icky.
Thanks for stopping by!!!
You should taste my vanilla scented chocolate tiramisù,...then let's see if you really hate vanilla ;;).
Well dear Dave... that's a whoooooole other type of vanilla:))) Sounds yummy!
Hi Charmingly Cindy ... you already have a wonderful legacy ... your blogs! and i'm sure your dad and sis are proud of you too!
Thanks Durian Guy:) I can always count on you for a virtual pat in the back! My family is proud and that means the world to me. XOXOXO
Hi Cindy, thanks for your kind words and thoughtful advice on my posts. You are absolutely right, the reason I decided to follow your blog is because I could relate to so many of the things you write about.. It amazes me how I have been able to connect with people from all over the planet.. sometimes it takes a lifetime to form a connection, and other times it only takes a matter of minutes..
I am very new to the blogging world, not a writer by any standard, but loving every minute of it so far...I am honoured that you are following my blog.
I'm a rookie too:) Isn't amazing to connect with others through your stories?! I find it absolutely fascinating and I can't believe it took me so long do it. I love it!
Great post, Cindy! I can definitely relate to what you wrote. There are so many things I want to do and experience in my life, yet overall I could say that things are ok right now, some things being much better than others. This being said, at times I find myself comparing my life to that of others and occasionally feel like I'm just not doing 'it' right because 'they' are doing so much more, traveling more, going out more... you get the jist.
I've had to come to the realization that vanilla has earned itself a blah reputation that it may not necessarily always deserve. It's not so much about the vanilla in and of itself as it is about the quality of the vanilla. Afterall, there's nothing that brings out the flavor of a dense chocolate brownie, a tart apple pie, or luscious peach cobbler like a good scoop of vanilla bean ice cream. I guess you just have to know how to pair it! lol
Thanks Karina! If there's anyone that knows their food... it's yoooooouuuuu!
I agree - it's like the saying: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My vanilla can be someone's BLISS!
We all have our personal vanilla and it's all about isolating that unhappiness and doing something about it before we get in a rut and accept our mediocrity. I think you've been pretty good about following your bliss.
I just read a great quote from a blogging friend at http://wwwaphorismscom.blogspot.com/:
When in doubt, leap. One needs a little courage to live.
I've read this blog entry a couple of times and every time I read it, it reminds me of my leap of faith to leave NYC and travel around the States.
I really had no clue what I was doing at the time. I didn't have the money to actually go anywhere. What I did have saved ($1,300) I used to fund the first leg of my adventure. People said that I was crazy and some were excited for me. And I was truly afraid and fearful at first, even to the point of nightmares and constant tears. Because I was so used to the cocoon of conformity I wrapped around myself, it affected my entire way of life. And I hated it all. I hated myself.
I do not accept mediocrity anymore. I have no room for that in my life. Life is about taking risks. Sometimes they work out in your favor and sometimes you might fall flat on your face. But you never know what will happen unless you DECIDE to leap. And when I leaped, I landed right on my feet. IT IS YOUR LIFE and no one else will live it for you. So LIVE!
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