My father had a few diagnostics tests done this week. I’m not going to worry about it because it’s nothing till it’s something. But this experience sparked an entire discussion on the lives we lead, the possible future, and the frustrations we build up after years of ignoring your passions.
It’s no secret I believe in carpe diem(1) and following your bliss. I write about it, I talk about it and I live it! To quote the wise words of a cheesy romantic comedy trailer I saw this week, my twenties were a serious and rather entertaining “experiment in bad decisions.” I spent ten years figuring out what not to do and how not to do it. Now in my thirties I’ve finally stopped being afraid of the difficulty and immense responsibility my chosen path entails. At some point, you forget everything and everyone and focus your energies on what truly moves you.
That’s what dad never quite understood and had to bluntly be reminded of this week. You can’t make your family or your tedious job the absolute focus of your existence with complete disregard for your own bliss. You can’t live vicariously through the success of your children because they’re not yours to keep. You can’t based your self-esteem and image on your job because who will you be without the executive title? It is not enough to be industrious; so are the ants. What are you industrious about?(2)
My father is an artist. He is singer, a musician, an avid book reader and a great writer. He loves to engage in intellectual discussion on everything from how to make soup out of anything to the latest political trends in Neverland. Yet, none of these passions have ever been fully explored and the frustration has accumulated to such degree that I truly believe his physical health is now just a reflection of his emotional state.
So why wait till we’re reminded of our transient nature to stop [living] lives of quiet desperation?(2) Why wait till our bodies hurt to reevaluate our purpose and realize the only reason we are here is to fulfill it? Lead by example and our children, friends, family, and students will naturally absorb the passion oozing from you and have no choice but to embark on their own quest.
It’s just so clear to me and so obvious: find what moves you, explore it, and figure a way to do it. And no, not easier said than done. Find a way. Haven’t you heard? Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before.(3)
Teach everyone around you to do the same. Seize the day!
(1) "Seize the day"
(2) Quote by Henry David Thoreau
(3) Quote by Joseph Campbell
(4) Why are you reading footnotes? This is just a blog!
19 comments:
After reading this I wanted to jump on my desk top and say O Captain, My Captain!!! You have touched on several pertinent things. Although I don't see how you stay so positive, I am glad that you do and that you are able to maintain that attitude. I will continue my search for all things good and surround myself with positive influences!! Thanks again for the pep talk!!
Hi Cindy,
This topic struck a familiar chord with me that will resonate long after I close this page.
Since my car accident last year my life has changed considerably. Some of it has been a conscious choice, and some probably because it had to. Most of it has been for the better, some has been a cause for great introspection and has lead me to uncover more questions than answers within myself.
Touching on your comment on the previous post, although I think some things just happen, I agree that most things happen for a reason. My accident was definitely one of them. It has brought out my creative side; in tandem with that my emotional side has also intensified dramatically. This has brought with it more heartache and joy in my life than I could have possibly imagined.
The reason I'm telling you all this is not to use all the space on your blog (lol) or put the focus on myself, but to show why I believe that just about everything that happens in life is meant to be a lesson for us. We can take what we want from it, we may not always recognize it as an opportunity for growth. But whatever happens to us (no matter how unthinkable it may be), we're meant to go through it.
Did it take almost getting killed last year to bring about these changes in myself? Yes, perhaps. But if that's what it took to make me fall in love with a sunrise, pursue my writing and music, and most importantly find joy in others then I'd go through it again. I realize now that at any time we could be gone. When that happens will we be able to look back on our lives with contentment or regret that we didn't seize those opportunities to pursue that which is most precious to us?
If you like Oscar Wilde here's the best quotation I ever heard from him, very pertinent to your post:
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
_____
I've been wondering something. Your attitude is obviously incredibly positive. The effect that people like yourself has on others is infectious, in kind of an emotional 'pay-it-forward' kinda way.
My question to you is, was there a significant event in your life that brought this about? Was it due to an influential figure in your life? (Okay, that's two questions).
Cindy I'm flattered beyond words that you would want to add one of my personal quotations to your list of faves. I've written a few others; I haven't been prolific in this area but my quotations are always drawn from meaningful life experiences. Thus they're deeply personal for me. So your interest is a personal as well as literary validation for me.
I think anytime I want the warm fuzzies I'll just drop by here. :)
Barry
PS: You talked about getting tagged on a previous post. I've never been tagged, how does it work?
Yes OCMC! That's what I call Professor Marcus ;)))) It's pretty funny, actually. Shane, I can't even tell you how nice it is to hear you say these things. I'm really not that annoying, hyper girl walking around telling you it's a beautiful day when it's pouring and gloomy outside. I rather walk the talk and show you, by my own actions, that peace and love aren't just for the hippies. There is a list of about 7 things (I just wrote them out) that really worry me now. Some I can do something about and others I need to just wait and see what happens. And so I will. I just thought of a good quote to share with you:
"I would like to beg you, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps,
someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." ~Rainer Maria Rilke
Hi Barry! Thanks again for your wonderful responses:)
I believe everything is a lesson as well. We learn from failures, trying experiences as well as successes.
I'm really looking at the list of worries I put together to answer Shane's comments above, and it's so amazing how I can really see a purpose behind all of this. Even the fact that I don't have health insurance because I'm a contractor... Well, one of my good friend's sister is a doctor and for the past few years she's been taking care of me. How blessed am I first to be healthy and to have her in my life for minor aches and pains?
The person that helped me out of a very dark period was my current BFF Brian. With absolute tough love he's been my guiding light in life. When I met him I was lost in time and space under illusions of greatness coupled with terrible self-esteem issues. I had no goals and hoping they would just fall on my lap. I hated my job, I hated my career in general, my friendships were falling apart, and all I wanted was to fall in love and have someone rescue me from myself!
In short, I didn't know you had to WORK on YOU. I didn't know I was a project. Up until then, everyone I knew lived the "vanilla" lifestyle so I had no point of reference for something different.
Brian really was the one that put a mirror in front of me and showed me that I wasn't so great and that maybe... just maybe... I was doing it all wrong. And it hurt and I cried and I hated him for it because to make matters worst I was madly in love with him! And then I stopped running and really talked about things. And then I accepted my flaws and worked on fixing them.
Eventually it was obvious I needed work on my peace and I needed to find that passion. The desire to do something substantial and something that mattered was always there, I just had absolutely NO idea how to go about doing it.
In college back in 2001 or so, I met Professor Marcus who claimed, against all adversity, that IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO BE HERE! That's his philosophy and I agreed. His love and passion for literature and for teaching touched me deeply. Today we're great friends and he's one of the key reasons why I'm jumping head-first into this academic journey. I see the way he touches others through his knowledge and I see that he also walks the talk. He inspires me!
Time has a funny way of making things better... if you use it wisely, of course. The universe SHAMELESSLY conspired to put me in this path, even though I fought tooth and nail for the stability of an average life. It wasn't meant to be and here I am. I'm dropping it all and at 31 years old I'm going back to school to follow my bliss. I'm moving away from friends, family and everything I know because it's what I need to do. I don't even own a coat or really been in snowy places! I'm nervous... but I'm waaaay to excited to let that get in the way.
Did I answer your questions Barry?!?!? LOL. I'm not even sure. I got all caught up in my thoughts! You know who I read also? Dr. Wayne Dyer and his Power of Intention books. Also Eckart Tolle was a big influence with The Power of Now and A New Earth. These things, of course, need to be taken with a grain of salt, but they honestly gave a great place to start thinking differently.
At one point I just fell out of the matrix and saw the world in a whoooooole different way!
XOXOXOX
It almost sounded like your powerful post, which talks about your dad, was almost aimed at me, too! It really made me think! Thank you! And best wishes for your dad, too!
Richard! My favorite divorce lawyer in Augusta! Always happy to make anyone think:))))
Okay, I'm going to do something radical and try writing a shorter post for a change so I don't wear on you too soon.
Yup, you answered my questions Cindy. It sounds like you and Brian are lucky to have each other. I can tell you with absolute certainty that no matter how much you learn from someone, they will always have something to learn from you in return. Have you ever asked Brian what you've taught him? I bet you've inspired him in ways you never realized. We all have so much to offer.
It seems he's helped you come a long way; your humility shows through in your writing. If it's true that the eyes are the window to the soul then I think one's words are the doorway. Hmm.
Some of the most heavily prevalent words on your blog are 'connect' and 'connection'. I don't know where I want to go with that right now,it's just an observation at this point. But since connection is vital to sharing emotions and thoughts I think it's very appropo.
On these pages is a lot of positive energy. I'm glad I stopped by; my mind feels very much at home here.
Barry
I too thought O Captain My Captain!
Great and poignant post.
very thought provoking post.. what you say is so right yet for some people probably very hard to follow.. or atleast for me.. sometimes it becomes easy to just let go and just go with the flow rather than to keep striving for what you want..
JennyMac! I'm a huge fan of your blog! Anyone invited to join Mensa and as funny as you is cool in my book:) And yes, I do love that movie!
My friend Rookie - You only go with the flow when things are either very bad (like a rip current) or very good (like on a lazy river!). All other times you have carve out your own direction in pursuit of happiness. It's what we're here for!
Hi Barry -
Brian and I have learned tons from each other and our friendship has blossomed because of it.
Connection is a HUGE word for me - you're right! It means everything... connecting to your family, friends, desires and the universe. And it's a work in progress for me. I fall off the wagon plenty and the good thing is that I figure it out rather quickly. The trick is to get back to business with minor bruises and major lessons learned!
Yo C,
That is one badass kitty cat mofo in the knit gangsta toque.
I saw one just like him down the street last night dealing Meow Mix. Gotta watch these whiskered homies yo, before you know it they've moved up to trafficking nip to pet stores on the DL. I ain't down wit dat.
Word. :)
Hey do you mind if I steal (I mean borrow) the Carl Jung quotation for my blog?
Thanks, and may your vanilla days be filled with chocolate swirl moments.
Barry
Woooooordddddddd.
I think that means you can definitely borrow/steal the quote! ;-)
Do you want to exchange links? It can help us increase traffic. Why don't you create an icon for your page that I can put on mine? I'll email you more details if you're interested.
Oh, I love this. Your father sounds a-maz-ing.
*jumps on desk with everyone else*
He's pretty swell Lilu! Thanks so much for your visit. I'm a big fan of you, B, and the kitties:)))))
That was a superbly powerful and thought provoking post ... be it the title or the whole post ! Damn why didn't I came to your blog earlier !
Just not physical, even our mind and soul becomes vulnerable too .. an outer vulnerability does have some possibility of escaping the wrath ... but it's our heart and soul, which is scarred at every passing moment of indecisiveness and remorse ! Whatever you call it, at times its just important for us to follow our dreams and just do nothing but what the 'you' inside you desperately wants !
Keep writing and keep coming to my blog too :)
In love with me and life
:)
Ya know am on this project in Oman...and am working out of this showroom which has BMW , Rolls and Minis on display :)
I'd LOOOOVE to get my daddy a mini! He'd be the happiest daddy EVER. *dreaming* ;-)))
Cindy,
I'm not one to rain on anyone's parade and I wouldn't dream of trying to talk you or your dad out of a Mini, as I think it's a beautiful car. They did a great job on the redesign.
There's been a fairly extensive history of problems with the CVT transmission which apparently BMW scrapped in '07 in favour of a Getrag 6-speed unit.
I'm not sure if you'd plan to get a new model or a few years old, manual or automatic. And it doesn't sound like it'll be tomorrow. But if I can offer some unsolicited advice you may want to check into it beforehand, as it seems BMW has acknowledged the problem but won't honour any repairs if the vehicle is out of warranty.
Reports of repairs have fallen in the $6000-$8000 range in several cases and there's been talk of launching class-action lawsuits.
I'll see your Carpe Diem and raise you a Caveat Emptor. I'm not slagging BMW because I absolutely love their cars, and it would be awesome to see you get your dad a Mini. Maybe it's not my place but I'm just looking out for you, that's all. :)
Barry
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