'Sol Good

I had a revelation last night and I think I figured out the reasoning behind my stress. I'm absolutely terrified that I won't get into grad school and I'll disappoint not only myself but everyone who's helped me along the way. And I'm absolutely terrified that I will get into grad school and will then slowly but surely disappoint myself and everyone who's helped along the way.

I'm at odds with my own will! I know. I was confused last night too.

So I had a really good conversation with my higher self and my grandpa who always seems to be around when I need a good heavenly ear, and it turns out that it's all going to be okay. I think the 17th century poet John Donne also strolled in with a very much needed pat in the back because all of a sudden I had the absolute need to read The Canonization: "For God's sake hold your tongue, and let me love... What merchant's ships have my sighs drowned?"

(Picture a crazy lady walking all over the house reading this poem out loud at midnight last night. I put Shakespearean actors to shame... Chilean accent and all.)

And there you go. I can't think of anything more amazing that spending my life in the study of this kind of beauty. I'm pretty darn sure I'm not the only grad school hopeful wondering if they'll be on par with their peers. I don't question the certainty of wanting to do this more than anything in the world, but I have questioned my ability to get through it and I might as well fess up to it.

Huh... go figure. But since I'm not about to be at some subconscious war with myself much longer, I wanted to write about this and let it go.

I'm happy to report the big girl panties are still being worn. Now what about that bliss we keep talking about?! Yeah!

{photos via weheartit}