I haven't felt like writing lately. Between class and long novels and a job that fogs my brain and immobilizes my creativity... I'm just tired. My eyes are puffy and my body is exhausted.I don't feel like writing much now. I want to just sit on my couch and not think. Thinking really IS overrated.
I'm thankful for the abundance and I simultaneously resent how drained I feel lately. I'm out of shape and out of sorts. I'm off the wagon and unconnected to everything that matters. I let silly situations that are truly irrelevant in my life bother me and ruin the better part of my day. I miss exercising, dance class, and a good disposition. I'm in the best of moods when I'm reading a good story in class or drinking coffee with Prof. Marcus at the book store. Otherwise, my phone rings with problems, my email box fills up with futile requests, and someone somewhere needs me to stop by for something that was probably unnecessary in the first place.
I get it. It's just life. Well................. NOT my life. I'm looking forward to reading poetry for a living. I rather stress out over a long paper ANY DAY than over a useless event schedule making very rude people richer and trying very hard to please the unpleasable. I mean really, if my boss EVER looked at me and told me to shut the f**k up I wouldn't even acknowledge their presence any longer and just walk away. This is the energy around me lately... low... so very low and negative.
I'm trying to deflect it. I'm trying.
I understand now why I'm an awful addition to their team and actually feel better about it? Huh... it reminds me of Prof. Marcus talking about D.H. Lawrence writing to figure out things and not writing about things he already knew. I don't fit into this program because they're vibrating so low that we miss each other completely. So I shouldn't worry about it and just work less and smarter.
Huh... well there you go... I'm delighted by my own cleverness!
*self-hug*
Thanks-you's coming this week... many things and many of you make me smile daily. Whining session is over and big girl panties are back on.
10 comments:
I know exactly what you mean by not feeling like writing... clearly. I've resorted to lame videos to help me fill the blog. Cheating? Possibly. But the best though...the best is that even after reading how you don't want to write, I have a better sense of what's going on in your head... just from you simply putting some words down. i love that.
have a great week Cindy. :)
Hi:) Misery looooooves company. Love it when others whine along with me. I don't know... I'm in a funk. But I don love figuring things out as I write. I'm really not the problem in all of this. I've just done a very poor job at deflecting it all away. I can't change the negativity... so I just need to learn to not absorb it. Easier said than done!
You know I thought I was the only one having a bad time. Inspiration fled me long ago and left me with it's ugly cousins doubt and misery. Every so often I am able to throw off the shackles and enjoy life. JD (bestie) has helped immensly and seeing my boys whenever I can. I have never thought about it but I do absord a great deal of things that I should deflect. I guess I should shine up my shield and start blocking the negative energy that infiltrates my days and wreaks havoc with my emotions. Thanks for the armor.
I dunno. Maybe it's the weather. I haven't felt much like writing, either, despite the fact that I desperately want and need to get my current project done by the middle of February. That's hopefully when I'll best be able to sell my manuscript.
So, I guess, try to soldier on. Maybe writing will help clean out the writing funk. Or something. I'm not sure. I do know that after getting a couple of pages done last night I do feel a tiny bit reinvigorated toward completing my work.
Good luck.
You know Papa Shane... I hadn't thought about it either until I started writing. It should be a whole other entry on deflecting bad vibes. It has REALLY affected me to be around such great negativity and I HAVE to do a better job at not picking it up. I'm shining up my shield right along with you! xoxo
mjenks... the weather might be it. It's been really rainy and gloomy here so I wouldn't disregard it. Hope you get going soon. Much luck to you as well!
I'm glad you're posting again, even if you're not having the greatest time.
But things will get better, and I know you know that.
Remember, I'm the crazy one who gets up at 4:15 a.m. to make sure I work out. I know you'll get things prioritized. I'm looking forward to future posts girl!
Big girl panties on ... ready to roll :)
Cindy, you're one of the strongest most positive people I know. Even with that, I know it's hard to avoid negativity when you're surrounded by it.
I hope you won't let it wear away at you too long. Admittedly I'm not used to seeing you write like this. But it's refreshing in a sense, because to me you've lowered that wall a bit, saying you can't express something you don't feel. As much as it affects me to see you going through this you're showing a side of you that's as real and honest as your passions in life.
If you want, I'ma be on the next plane to South Beach parading around in my big girl panties right along side you. How's THAT for moral support? :)
I love you for writing this and I know you'll pull through it.
PS: Try this at home, it might make you feel better. You know you want to...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eP79KOqBA2k&fmt=18
LOLOL - Barry... I TOTALLY have spidey undies. They're cute. You have NO idea how many people tell me that scene is what they picture me doing every morning. And not NEARLY as sexy. No way. I'm just lanky and goofy. But I AM FUNNY! Glad you appreciate the honestly... I'm in a bit of a morbid (?) introspective mood - maybe because I'm getting close to finding out where I'll end up for the next few years. I'd LOVE to see you in big girl panties bwaaaaaaaaa hahahaha... sorry Sandy but that would be PRICELESS. In fact, I should start picture contest and have people send me pictures of themselves wearing BGPs:))))
Sandy - you're AMAZING. I know exactly how tough that is and I admire you tremendously. The pay off is so great though... I'm so excited for you!
Bit somehow despite your busy lifestyle, you find a way to hold it all together.
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