Have I told you how absolutely sweet my dad is with his new girlfriend, Martha? Oh Em Gee. They're adorable. I cannot possibly pat myself in the back any more for this set up... they're practically living together, she packs him lunch in the mornings, they're planning trips together and I have to tell you... it's breaking me down. The HORROR! It's freaking breaking me dooooown.

In honor of this much unexpected side effect, I have put together a list of ab.so.lute.ly must-haves in a relationship... because if Jarrod can make a list, then by God so can I:

You must be kind, you must be witty, very sweet and very pretty - okay that's from Mary Poppins, but I think we all agree on the basics of attraction.

And speaking of attraction, if Javier Bardem declares his love for me, you accept your defeat and get on your way. Such is life.

Have patience with my flaws and don't be a walking time bomb of emotions. Remind me to face the fears and not sweep them under the rug. I will return the favor.

Be the change you want to see in the world. An absolute must. Such a HUGE incredibly important notion that cannot, for ANY reason be ignored. Be good. Really, really good and teach others the same.

Learn about EVERYTHING. That covers that.

It also helps if you have good friends. I'm always suspicious of people who haven't taken the time to foster good relationships. I can't think of a good excuse.

Also, how shall we say... Have your sh*t together. I guess this encompasses everything from some form of a job or hobby to correctly pairing your socks after they dry. The latter, of course, being of paramount importance - orphan socks will NOT be tolerated.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - I have two friends who are dating and they call themselves jerk and b*tch day in and day out. They do it jokingly in casual conversation, and they do it a lot. A LOT. But you, dear, wouldn't think of doing such a thing.

If you want this job position, have a cheery disposition - What can I say, M. Poppins is so cute! And you should be too!

Must have some sort of clue where this is from: "Noooooo... I don't go... I stay.... we need more Lemon Pledge."

Unfortunately, as an amazon woman, size does matter. I'm 6 feet tall and you know... you can't be looking up at me ALL the time.

Tip well and be nice to the serving staff, don't drive like a maniac, and be good to animals even if you aren't necessarily fond of the critters. Refusing to comply has been actually extensively documented as traits of abusive personalities (except for the tipping thing... then you're just cheap) - I'd hate to think you'll turn on me somehow and I will, without a qualm in the world, kick you so hard in the nuts you'll wonder why yo momma ever gave you any.

Aaaaaanypoo, why don't you just fill in the blank: The meaning and purpose of my life is __________________. If you can't, then we cannot be. No, that's harsh... who am I to judge that way? Let's just say you should be searching or at LEAST open to the suggestion.

If Scarlett Johansson declares her love for me, you should accept your defeat and get on your way. Such is life. (Will send pics. Ha!)

Insecurities, jealousy, and all that other stuff we pretend doesn't exists the first few weeks we date should be kept in check... forever. Talking goes a long way and don't tell yourself stories that never existed. Remember, it's usually what we know about ourselves that makes us irrationally upset.

No Stage 5 Clingers.

And last but not least... must have that intangible, sumthin-sumthin' that makes me go WOWZA *sigh*

Hhhhmmmm...I've never thought of these things so this is a fun little exercise for yours truly:) See? I can make lists too. Blame it on my Dad and Martha. Their insufferable cuteness is softening me up. Nooooooooooooooooooooo....

[all pics via vi.sualize.us]

Dating Requirements... Sort of