I've been so busy lately... and rather whiney about. I'm upset when I don't work and can't afford to have a beer out with friends, and I'm upset when I have so much going on that I don't have time to a beer out with friends. I'm a walking contradiction. Somehow I expect the perfect balance of minimal work with maximum gain and enough free time to read and write, visit friends and family, and flirt with my new not-too-shabby-looking neighbor.
Told ya I was whiney.... if only....
Then I realized that I dive right into my crazy world of events and marketing because I'm really good at it. I'm REALLY good at it. And being great at something is alluring and exciting and it makes you feel like a million bucks!
Gosh I'm swell...
Remember that Thoreau quote I shared once:
It is not enough to be industrious; so are the ants. What are you industrious about?
So although I'm on the move and I'm finally bouncing back from a rather dire financial shortage, well, at the end of the day, what the HELL have I done that's good for anything or anyone?
Nothing. I put together killer events, I give everyone lots of free stuff, and I make sure the cool kids that work for me get paid on time. And then what?
I spend time with Phil aka Professor Marcus going over feminist literary theory and I feel grounded and whole again. Well, sort of... in the back of my head I'm always thinking schedules, bars, errands... and I CANNOT WAIT to be a student that works and no longer a worker that studies whenever I manage to stay awake at home for more than a few hours. Oh, I just got the Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath by the way... *sigh*... eventually I'll find the words to explain how incredibly amazing they are. She takes my breath away.
I'm NOT living the life I imaged right at this moment, but I'm certainly on the way and since patience has never been one of my great attributes, I'm slightly on the frustrated and anxious side.
Will I be just as good a teacher and researcher as I am a booze model-extraordinaire? I'll be starting grad school in a few weeks and there's paperwork and registration and all kinds of university nonsense to deal with... and the honest truth is that I'm scared it won't be blissful any longer. It's not poetry for the sake of poetry anymore. It's now my responsibility and the anarchist in me wants nothing to do with that crazy notion.
But I tell ya... I'll take adventure, bliss, and the unknown ANY DAY over vanilla!
Why is change so scary?
Oh and P.S....
(all pics via vi.usalize.us)
Why is change so scary?
Oh and P.S....
(all pics via vi.usalize.us)
c'mon now, you're not THAT good at the marketing thing...
;-)
Helping people have a good time is actually more of a necessity than you may think; most of us are miserable because of the work/beer contradiction you mentioned.
Take pride in that you do help those who work out the beer part at some point.
Also- for a new career, you could try putting Sylvia Plath to a hip-hop beat.
You CANNOT judge me on our last contract. You know they were crazy... proof of that is that I'm back to KICKING ASS. Too bad you're not here to work with me ;-/
I take tons of pride in all I do and actually have a great time doing it. It's just... a pointless job and I want more... more more more.
Plath is now spinning in her grave from that comment. Or she might be busting out some good moves. I'll consider rapping my way through grad school.
Miss you.
Okay woah, woah, hold it a minute. Stop everything.
There are certainly those who will disagree with me (and screw 'em if they do), but in my eyes a career is just a means to an end; a financial income. What you do DOES NOT define who you are as a person.
You my dear sweet Cindy have endless depth. What you seek to fulfill within yourself cannot be reconciled within the corporate world. The good news is it doesn't have to be.
You ask at the end of the day what you've done that's good for anything or anyone? I can only answer for myself, but based on a year's experience of knowing you I believe it carries some weight.
The first time I read you I was immediately hooked and, as I recall, signed on as a follower then and there. Your writing has always revealed tremendous intellect, but beyond the literary background and the eloquence was inspiration. You made me think. You still do.
I don't know if you'll ever fully realize the impact you've had on me. I adore your passion. You've made me continually want to strive for more from life, not through material gains as some would have, but through refusal to settle for mediocrity. There's so much to see and do and feel in life and you want to experience it all and it makes my heart want to explode through my chest with the way it affects me. God you move me.
I've read thousands of words from dozens of people who have left their mark amongst these comments. And I can very safely say that I'm not alone in how I feel about you. Look not to your career but to your life, and you'll see what you've done that's good.
You will ALWAYS be remembered as someone who has made a very positive impression on my life, and the lives of others. Don't ever sell yourself short.
xo
PS: On a different note, Jesus your photo in the sidebar is gorgeous.
Yeah so I'm crushin' a little. Sue me. :)
Barry - I'm flattered! I won't sue you, but Sandy might smack you :)))
I totally agree with not being what you do for a living. I know... I understand the words and believe me, when I'm out serving drinks I wonder if anyone thinks I have more than a few brain cells. We are judged based on what we do for a living and that's wrong... partially. If you're a drug dealer then yeah... I judge. If you're a bank exec yeah... I judge too. I don't want to but there it is! I had a philosophy professor who used to moonlight as a bartender and always told me stories about people FREAKING out when they found out he was actually... BRILLIANT.
Anyhoo, I have no idea where I'm going with this other than I NEED my career and my life to gel and make a difference... a very good, big, awesome difference. I have to help out somehow and change the world one terrible intro-to-literary-analysis essay at a time. It's just so much more practical to do this WHILE working and making a living than IN ADDITION to...
And thank you for the awesome sweet things you say to me:) Now can you please get me a PhD so we can finish with this nonesense and I can nerdy it up in a legit classroom? jeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzz...................
First- Your new site is beautiful! I love it.
Second- the Silvia Plath graphic is too funny. I want a sticker to put on my laptop.
Third- Struggling with the same topic. I've been working for the summer and forgot just how nice real money is. You know real money- being able to go to the grocery store and not have to choose between wine and fruit. I'm getting ready to finish my last semester of grad school and will be leaving this job but the idea of real money is seductive. Why is it always a choice? Money or feed your soul?
Thanks Zoey! I needed a change and this seemed simple and clean:) I'm glad you likey!!!!
Real money is so great. I haven't seen it in a while since I'm still in recovery mode, but I remember buying shoes and shirts and not worrying about it! *SIGH*....
I'm hoping I'll do both at the same time. I'll never be rich teaching in college but I'm hoping it's stable and satisfying enough to overshadow not buying the bottle of wine when tomatoes are too expensive.
lovely stuff...i need to read your favorite author too!
By the way, I have to agree about this picture- definitely.
Thanks Bonezie:)
xox