So that's the definition. Simple, precise and straight to the point.
Then why can't I wrap my head around the concept of loving..... minus this pesky attachment... thing.
Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.
I had a long conversation with a friend about it and alright, fine, it makes sense(ish). When we are attached to something we suffer when we loose it, our egos are bruised, our feelings are hurt, we feel lost, in despair, and some of us retrieve back in our cave where ice cream and pizza seem to fulfill all the necessary needs.
Sound familiar?
Yeah... me too.
But bliss, impermanence, and un-attachment are CORE principles of my beliefs and I've grasped the prior two... and yet this third one... not so much. Ugh, who am I kidding, I'm still working on the impermanence factor and it's not that I don't accept it, I just don't wanna. I DON'T WANNA. Every single day we drive to work or step out of the house there's a chance it will be our last. Yet, most of us, aren't terrified of doing so and are still worrying about buying a bigger television and a smaller cell phone. For what?
Well that was an interesting tangent... in the words of Oscar Wilde:
I'm so clever, I don't even understand a single word of what I'm saying.
But how do you LOVE and I mean really LOVE without missing your lover when they're away for the week? Not that relationship advice coming from me is SO apropos, but isn't waiting, wishing, and wanting what makes us feel alive? Well, I guess it can also be excruciatingly painful depending on the situation... and that's where not being attached comes in. It all goes back to being less human and living from a higher plane... huh...
Did I just answer my own question?
Grasping at things can only yield one of two results: Either the thing you are grasping at disappears, or you yourself disappear. It is only a matter of which occurs first. ~Goenka
But how do you LOVE and I mean really LOVE without missing your lover when they're away for the week?
1/ Only full time/life time students of various faiths ever truly integrate non-attachment. By relieving themselves of their possessions and sexual relationships they become free to delve very deeply into the doctrines.
2/ You can achieve varying levels of non-attachment in a normal day to day relationshi. That is to say,
you can miss them, you just dont want the missing to dominate your thoughts, your day, to take precedent over all else, that would become undesirable.
In every day life it comes down to balance.
A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Mutual trust in a relationship will allow for an easy practice of non-attachment.
I like the way that Kahlil Gibran described it when he spoke of marriage:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
I think that is a wonderful description of non-attachment in relationships of the heart.
Drinks tomorrow Cindy?
HA! I wish.
Have a good weekend honey
xxm
Great Post... Even I'm working on Un-attachment but we get attached to people with time and start expecting... I think we must not stop loving since we failed earlier, .. we must not leave expecting as someone broke our trust... Life is a drama, we must not stop living as we are going to die tomorrow.. So, keep spreading love and live to the fullest. That's what I believe in...
Hmm.....
I understand "Unattachment" as being present and enjoying the other person without the need to control and manipulate the situation.
The ATTACHMENT to a certain particular perfection are usually what gets us in trouble; ie. "He didn't call me when I wanted him to", "She didn't blow me when I wanted her to", etc.
All those lack of perfections are ways that we may perceive hurt.
We're scared not to hear "I love you", but often when we DO hear it, it brings up the fear that we'll lose it, or never hear it again.
I believe it comes down to fear- when you're with someone are your interactions a guard against something bad (like a constant search for perfection... ahem), or can we just enjoy what we DO get from each other, and let someone be as free as we want them to let us be.
That was a long sentence; but I was unattached to the structure; I was way more concerned with it's meaning.
At the end of my life,unattachment and having no one to give a damn about would leave me feeling that the journey was meaningless.
I think life's purpose is to find those who help us take the focus off ourselves.
When all is said and done, the only thing you'll be taking with you as you continue your journey in the heavens is love, so practice often. :)
Whenever I feel that I'm getting too attached to something or someone, I remind myself that nothing or no one is mine to begin with. Even life itself is a temporary loaner. Everything I have today could be gone tomorrow (I really really really wouldn't want that to happen, but I realize that it could). Perhaps true freedom would come the day that we're voluntarily willing to give everything up... just let it all go... yeah...nope, still not there yet. LOL
Please let me know when you figure out how to be less human. I have personally tried to be more like my cats, the masters of detachment, but the only thing we have in common is that we're all fat. Not exactly the result I was aiming for. (sigh)
BTW, there's nothing wrong with longing for someone you love. Be concerned the day you don't feel that way anymore. ;)
I think it all comes down to definitions. I do not feel it wrong or deleterious to become attached to people (things, perhaps). BUT when that attachment becomes proprietary--when you feel owed by this other human being. It is the desire to POSSESS that is a problem. And most of us have at least a little of that in us.
Just let go of it. Accept the only person you can control--or should control--is you. Unless of course you have a 2 year old and are sitting next to me on an airplane...
You guys are awesome - love this feedback.
Michelle that's so perfect... "let it be a moving sea..." --> I love that. Everything is in flux anyway.
Ann - so true. I believe it too. It gets hard sometimes!
Bones Bones Bones... don't ahem-me... WHUT.EVA. Who said I was looking for perfection?! I'm not even looking! But glad you chimed in - I actually agree with you. I want to be free and let that other person be just as free while crazy loving them at the same time. In THEORY, I worked it all out in my head... but who knows... I have zero practice.
But Barry!!!!! It's the total opposite of not giving a damn... it's loving so much that they're free of your bias and your ego. Like if Sandy was to move to Miami to be my roommate and leave you in the dust, you'd be SUPER happy for her because you knew how much she's wanted to. Ha! NOT SO MUCH, eh???? :-p~~~
Karina! You're right! Cats ARE masters of detachment! What a good analogy........... hhhmmm.... I like that!!!
Patrick dear - The desire to possess anything is a problem... even more when it's a person. I accept I can only control me and my actions and my reactions, but like I said, I still struggle with the attachment part of relationships. You had a toddler sitting next to you on the flight back home? And the baby lived?!?!?! Wow... good job.
loved this post!
i'm with you, i HATE being attached. i find it impossible to detach my emotions, prob cus i'm italian and it's just not in the cards for me! but it really sucks, alot of the time and sets you up for some major heartaches.