My friend let me borrow an old book he found somewhere... Sheldon's 20th Century Etiquette published in 1901. Yes, 19zerofreaking1.

Please... allow me to share some excerpts (a word I can barely pronounce by the way... I avoid it like the plague):

GALLANTRY VERSUS COQUETRY 

 "A true gentleman will always do homage to a woman, if for other reason than that she is the Mother of the Race, and deserves in the main all the chivalry of his nature" 

Oh, women shouldn't think, vote, study, or know much of anything. But don't forget the homage.

"The true gentleman will make no advances which he does not feel - he will whisper no vows that he does not intend keeping."

Ahem... boysssss?

"The true woman...[will not] cast her net for promiscuous victims, only to mock their sufferings when her cruel pleasure is ended."

Oh yeah... that.

HOSPITALITY 

"Always provide a bathroom for the invited guests, even if the members of the family have to perform their ablutions in the kitchen tubs during the extent of her visit."

Excuse me?

BEHAVIOR IN PUBLIC 

"It is by outward appearances that we are first enabled to differentiate between the intelligent and ignorant... we judge from his exterior...where he ranks in the mental, moral, financial and social status, and it is our first impression of him which assists us in forming an estimate of his character."

 Has anything changed much?

"What others think of you, not what you think of yourself, is the index of your position, and that they should think well of you is perhaps the first end in life which you should strive to accomplish."

*speechless*

"In passing, always turn to the right. This is a good rule to follow throughout life's whole pathway."

Turn to the left and God help us all. 

RULES FOR TRAVELERS

"if a stranger speaks to you, answer him politely. It is time enough to discontinue the conversation when he has proved himself undesirable"

Why didn't anyone tell me this?!

"Do not tell your private affairs to those whom you meet... you are pretty sure to bore them.

Yeah...

"A gentleman should never escort a lady through the public entrance to a hotel... [she] should be taken through the private entrance and left in the parlor."

He BETTER be paying.

ETIQUETTE OF INTRODUCTIONS

"Persons who meet at the house of a mutual friend and are not introduced, should never bow or recognize each other when they meet elsewhere."

This may come in handy.


"Never introduce two people, unless you know that it is their desire to become acquainted."

I should remind my friends of this!

POLITE CONVERSATION

"Do not volunteer advice and when it is requested, give it sparingly. When a person asks your advice, he usually conceals half of the facts, and consequently places your judgment at a disadvantage."

Sheldon, you're pretty much RIGHT on the money on that one.

"Do not talk of things that are not interesting to others."

Unless you're a blogger... then go ahead.

"Because you are well-related, you need not be constantly referring to the fact. ... Do not affect and be what you are not. Nothing is so offensive as artificiality of manner."

Yes... everyone in South Beach... name dropping has been frowned upon since before you got your fake tan and discovered hair gel.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

"Keep good company or none. You can always have books if you cannot have people."

Amen, my friend!

How times have changed, huh? Or have they...????

HhhhhhMmmmmmmmmm.................

(pics via vi.sualize.us)

20th Century Etiquette

I've been so busy lately... and rather whiney about. I'm upset when I don't work and can't afford to have a beer out with friends, and I'm upset when I have so much going on that I don't have time to a beer out with friends. I'm a walking contradiction. Somehow I expect the perfect balance of minimal work with maximum gain and enough free time to read and write, visit friends and family, and flirt with my new not-too-shabby-looking neighbor. 

Told ya I was whiney.... if only....

Then I realized that I dive right into my crazy world of events and marketing because I'm really good at it. I'm REALLY good at it. And being great at something is alluring and exciting and it makes you feel like a million bucks! 

Gosh I'm swell...

Remember that Thoreau quote I shared once:

It is not enough to be industrious; so are the ants. What are you industrious about?

So although I'm on the move and I'm finally bouncing back from a rather dire financial shortage, well, at the end of the day, what the HELL have I done that's good for anything or anyone? 

Nothing. I put together killer events, I give everyone lots of free stuff, and I make sure the cool kids that work for me get paid on time. And then what? 

I spend time with Phil aka Professor Marcus going over feminist literary theory and I feel grounded and whole again. Well, sort of... in the back of my head I'm always thinking schedules, bars, errands... and I CANNOT WAIT to be a student that works and no longer a worker that studies whenever I manage to stay awake at home for more than a few hours. Oh, I just got the Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath by the way... *sigh*... eventually I'll find the words to explain how incredibly amazing they are. She takes my breath away.

I'm NOT living the life I imaged right at this moment, but I'm certainly on the way and since patience has never been one of my great attributes, I'm slightly on the frustrated and anxious side. 

Will I be just as good a teacher and researcher as I am a booze model-extraordinaire? I'll be starting grad school in a few weeks and there's paperwork and registration and all kinds of university nonsense to deal with... and the honest truth is that I'm scared it won't be blissful any longer. It's not poetry for the sake of poetry anymore. It's now my responsibility and the anarchist in me wants nothing to do with that crazy notion.

But I tell ya... I'll take adventure, bliss, and the unknown ANY DAY over vanilla!

Why is change so scary?

Oh and P.S....

(all pics via vi.usalize.us)

To Live The Life We Imagined

 I crafted this post as a general welcome to new friends. Hi new friends!!! Glad you found me somehow:) I LOOOOOVE the idea of being in touch with the world and that maybe... just maybe something I say connects with anyone on any level. Technology is wonderful that way.

Just to bring you up to speed, I made up a handy chart of usual characters around here:

(Click on it for full size)

I also put together a list of blog posts that I don't completely hate and hopefully neither will you:

Home - A rather emotional trip back to the motherland...

I love you.. - An entry so incredibly difficult to write it brought tears to my eyes

I'm a loser - read all about it here!
The Androgynous Mind - Or as I like to call it: the nerdy side of me

Catharsis - My first poem EVER. I have issues.
Notes to Self - Told you I had issues.

My Vanilla Phobia - CARPE DIEM BABBBYYYYY!

I Only Date Ugly Men - THEORETICALLY.

I write for love, lust, and sometimes for work. I'm finishing up my masters in English Literature and I also teach writing at the local university. To add to that craziness, my BFF and I began Sharkkbait Entertainment Group and we're busy working, producing, and staffing events for several clients. I have an unnatural knowledge of Scotch whisky although I seldom drink it, and I've managed to endure about 10 years as a writer and copy editor (but you can't judge my knowledge of fancy words based on my blog. That doesn't count. No one can't edit their own stuff. It's like giving yourself a haircut... no matter how hard you try, you're bound to miss a spot!). 

I'm a single gal somewhat troubled by the idea of happily ever after although secretly hoping it's actually possible. I'll let you know if those two extremes ever reconciliate... but don't hold your breath. After spending years working to get my life on track and following my bliss all the way, I'm kind of looking for someone who's taken the time to do the same. I'm not expecting perfection but I've come to the conclusion that it all comes down to curiosity. I do require that... and the ability to make banana nut whole wheat pancakes upon request, but let's not get too specific mmmmk?

And last but certainly not least, I love hearing from everyone and keeping in touch, so feel free and quite encouraged to leave a note when you stop by. I promise I read them all and usually reply quickly. Check back to read those replies if you're so inclined.

Well... if you've read this far, you clearly have too much time on your hands but I appreciate you spending it here! Life is wonderful and it's my job to remind you. Hopefully you'll remember rather quickly and pay it forward by spreading the goodness. 

Carpe Diem, Friends!

Helloooooo Newbies!

I don't think you're aware I have the CUTEST little cousin EVER. Her name is Steffie and her talents include but are not limited to singing, dancing, shushing everyone, and then... well... you'll see:

Center>

Who are YOU laughing at?!

WORD.

Funny is as Funny Does

I found the Twitter app on my iPhone and now I’m on it all the time. How did this happen? I became one of those people always looking down at their phone scrolling up and down, reading what Kim Kardashian ate for lunch and how Alyssa Milano loves the Old Spice guy. The last one is kind of funny really because the commercials are pure gold. You know they are.

Then I found Jerrod, and Barry, and Bones and I keep tagging and posting and ugh… put me out of my misery. Oh and LiLu at LiveItLuvIt is running for MTV TJ so you should go vote for her because she's funny and her boyfriend says funny things. No really. GO! She sure is working hard for it!

Soooooooooooooooo I’m back from Chile. I'm home. Well, sort of.

My new place doesn’t feel like home yet. It doesn’t smell like home. It doesn’t quite look like it either. I’m having some issues with that. I miss my old place, but it was time to go, and I’m very aware the box we live in doesn’t make us any happier. Bleh. I’m working on falling madly in love with my new four walls. It's perfectly lovely here :)

I’ve had ZERO desire to write. No, that’s not entirely true. I’ve wanted to and yet I can’t get myself to do it. I’ve mentioned before that as soon as this page becomes a chore, I’m done with it. So I write when it feels right. And you know what else? My wireless broke and I have a really uncomfortable chair in my office to sit on so it’s kind of hard to sit here and be creative when my back is screaming: COUCH. I need a new router. Damn it Dell. You suck monkey balls.

I’ve decided I'm getting a kitty cat – not now because I’m BRRRRROKE. My trip cleaned me out and I can barely afford to feed myself let alone buy fancy sand for a critter to pee in. So, not yet but I already browsed the Humane Society page and got all excited…. Yay. Oh and I think cuddling with grandma's cat during my trip has something to do with this. I think...

I don’t think I’ve ever been so short on cash really. It’s been a LONG time since I haven’t been able to just go out and buy a pair of shoes or fancy mascara. But you know, it’s alright. I’ve actually become VERY aware of how wasteful I used to be. I ate out SO very much and spent money on rather useless things that were completely superfluous and silly (by the way, in preparation for grad school, I’m going to start using big words… you’ll thank me one day!).

I’m cooking every day (recipes I learned from grams in Chile), running out on the beach instead of paying for a gym membership, not drinking when I’m out, and feeling quite good. Plus, I went out with my friend a couple of weeks ago and ended up doing shots of Tullamore Dew at some trashy pub down the street from my house. I was SO incredibly ill the next day that even now the thought of that night makes me sick to my stomach.

The universe has a funny way of showing you things and I think “prodigal” is a good word to describe me. Alas, I’m paying for it.

I’ve felt a strange need for companion since I got back. I’m officially… NEEDY. I know… I KNOW. I’ve argued with Brian about it, I’ve denied it over and over again until I finally accepted it. I don’t like it. I don’t like it ONE BIT. I think it has to do with seeing and just feeling how lonely grandma has been for the last 10 years since grandpa died and something clicked in my head and…..

…. It doesn’t matter. I have to… we all HAVE to be able to function on our own. I’ve always done it. Where did these feelings come from? Too long-winded of a topic now… till next time.

Oh, last but not least: SCHOOL STARTS AUGUST 23rd!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… AAAAHHH I SAY!!!! I got a letter that I’ll be TA’ing (Teaching Assistant… ing?) Wednesdays 10AM – 10:50AM with a professor no one can tell me anything about. I hope he’s alright… otherwise I’m running back to Professor Marcus and telling. I’m telling!

And that’s that. Pardon my absence. You’re all always in my thoughts. I mean it!

I leave you with this… guess the movie star?

It’s my grandma at 19 years old. Time flies my friends... I mean REALLY flies and slips right by...

CARPE DIEM!!!

(Some of these pics courtesy of vi.sualize.us)

Back in the Saddle