Aaaww folks...I'm neck-deep into it.

My free time has whittled down to zero...zip...nada. My car is accumulating miles and miles and miles of extensive travel time. I'm lost in presumptuous theoretical readings, some great stories, and a group of kids that once in a while surprise me in very unexpected ways.

You hear that? That's the bell ringing - school has begun!

I'm an English grad student with a full scholarship and a chance to teach freshman writing. Today, I'll be leaving soon for my Black Literature Theory seminar where we'll be discussing a great poem by Walcott, a seriously dense book by Paul Gilroy, and some very interesting studies here and there. Tomorrow will be back to Literature of Exile where my professor likes to point out he's a little crossed eyed and that's why he ended up marrying his wife. She thought he was looking at her when in fact he was checking out someone else. I like him. Thursday I'll mosey over to pedagogy training where hopefully I'll pick up good tips on how to give gold stars and detention slips (probably not to the same kid). Can I send college freshmen to the dean's office?

And I also got to read and grade my first set of essays - four of which were plagiarized and another that was so disturbingly violent, I actually told the Instructor this kid might be slightly damaged. And by slightly I mean get him out of this class he just might shoot us all. I did, however, get a note from a student telling me I was a wonderful TA... it's the little things:)

So there you go! The road to blissdom is paved with nerdy reading glasses, good books, and strong coffee.

I still don't have a routine nor a good grasp on how long it'll take me to read and write certain things. I'm still in awe of the overwhelming amount of technology where one doesn't just show up to class to collect a syllabus anymore but has to find the class wiki site instead. I'm still trying to figure out how to get these kids excited about writing instead of twisting their arm just to get them thinking about a literacy narrative.

And I'm happy.

I'm so incredibly happy and thankful to be here. I haven't seen my friends in a while and I've fallen incredibly behind with Criminal Minds on A&E, but nobody said it'd be easy. In fact, most people I know said it was pretty insane!

Hhhmmm.... How many of YOU have taken a giant step in the direction of your dreams lately?

It's great to be here!

Walking The Talk

So that's the definition. Simple, precise and straight to the point.

Then why can't I wrap my head around the concept of loving..... minus this pesky attachment... thing.

Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.

I had a long conversation with a friend about it and alright, fine, it makes sense(ish). When we are attached to something we suffer when we loose it, our egos are bruised, our feelings are hurt, we feel lost, in despair, and some of us retrieve back in our cave where ice cream and pizza seem to fulfill all the necessary needs. 

Sound familiar?

Yeah... me too.

But bliss, impermanence, and un-attachment are CORE principles of my beliefs and I've grasped the prior two... and yet this third one... not so much. Ugh, who am I kidding, I'm still working on the impermanence factor and it's not that I don't accept it, I just don't wanna. I DON'T WANNA. Every single day we drive to work or step out of the house there's a chance it will be our last. Yet, most of us, aren't terrified of doing so and are still worrying about buying a bigger television and a smaller cell phone. For what? 

Well that was an interesting tangent... in the words of Oscar Wilde:

I'm so clever, I don't even understand a single word of what I'm saying.

But how do you LOVE and I mean really LOVE without missing your lover when they're away for the week? Not that relationship advice coming from me is SO apropos, but isn't waiting, wishing, and wanting what makes us feel alive? Well, I guess it can also be  excruciatingly painful depending on the situation... and that's where not being attached comes in. It all goes back to being less human and living from a higher plane... huh...

Did I just answer my own question?

Grasping at things can only yield one of two results: Either the thing you are grasping at disappears, or you yourself disappear.  It is only a matter of which occurs first. ~Goenka

Being Less Human: Attachment and Love

View from my kitchen today

Really dude? The beach is DOWN THE STREET.

My little sister watching the World Cup

How I feel about her

BFF Brian performing at the Improv ;-) The more I drank... the funnier he got!

What our friendship is like...

What I do for money nowadays... *sigh*

Note to self:

What I really need to be doing...

 Ha! Just kidding! (I won't write nearly as much on the board--> I hate chalk.........)

Grad school starts August 23rd so I might as well nerdy-up RIGHT NOW

 Yeah!

Cindiland in Pictures

There you have it... my grad student ID in all its glory. A mug shot that declares my undeniable status as president of nerdville and proof that I'm no longer making up excuses not to go out with you. I will in all actuality... be rather busy. I just downloaded the reading list for my three courses and it includes about thirty books I'll have to digest in three months. THIIIIIIIRRRRRTY. THREE-ZERO. Yes, that's 10 books a month and about 3 per week. I already miss you, my sweet sweet tivo.

But this is it, right?! This is what I wanted! A chance to study and read and teach and change the world! 

***Sigh*** 

Then why is it so stomach-turning scary?

Because of change is scary and I'm all kinds of insecure that I'll be the one person in class who hasn't read the one book everyone is talking about and dissecting line by line. Because I still have to work and pay for my existence since my yearly scholarship stipend might just cover the cost of coffee for the year. And because a new routine awaits and I have no clue how all the pieces of my life will coexist.

But they will... right? They HAVE to....

Insecurities creep up on me like fungus.

But I'm here now and there's no going back... I've got a full scholarship to back me up and a solid supply of big girl panties to get me through the tough times. 

Let us never forget the words of the brilliant Friedrich Nietzsche:

When a woman turns to scholarship there is usually something wrong with her sexual opportunities

... wait... WHAT?!

Well... It's Official...!

 Isn't time I follow my own advice and not lose track of what's important?

I got to spend an entire month with grandma in Chile and how many of us pack up and leave it all behind for 30 days? She told me so many stories, we bought fresh EVERYTHING at the fruit market, we watched soap operas in the afternoon, we played with Monito, and we spoke of things I never really wanted to speak of... It was amazing. I can't wait to see her again.

I sure do speak a lot of friends and family around here but honestly --> YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW (in Spanish... "uno cosecha lo que siembra") and I'm incredibly thankful that at some point I figure out I needed to foster these relationships. *warm and fuzzies*

Teachers along the way... thank you for inspiring me to BE you.

And this week I'm also thankful for John Cusack and the movie Hot Tub Time Machine. I hadn't LOL'd so much in a while. And thank you Patricksmatrick for watching it with me and bring it over!

It's WAY funnier than you think it's going to be. Good times:)

So that's that... short and sweet but full of love and goodness and the incessant need to share it along the way.

ART! LOVE! BEAUTY! KINDNESS! BLISS! HAPPINESS! --> It's all yours for the taking.

What ARE you waiting for????

_________________________________

Grab this icon and start your own weekly gratitude entries. Let me know so I can link to your page every time you do so and post it on my note:)

 

<a href="http://www.wineonlips.com" target="_blank"><img alt="Language Is Wine Upon The Lips" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v651/cindy2685/d5bc107c.jpg"/></a>

Gratitude Note - Back in Business ('Bout Time... I KNOW!)

So yesterday after I wrote the last entry I was really not in the greatest of moods to get back to work.

Picture me and my partner at 9:30 PM last night at this bar sweating our butts off in Miami humidity carrying in 10 boxes from my car, putting together a mobile bar, banners, bringing out the fresh fruit and juices, and so on.

Within 30 seconds of stepping in, this one guy decides to just rub me the wroooOOooOOng freaking way... We'll call him... Jerkface... just for funzies. He was nicely dressed, fancy cologne, Caribbean accent, and in his late 40s or so. First, JerkFace stands next to us (and I mean crowding our space) for about 5 minutes not saying anything and then he says: “Well are you going to pay attention to me, or what?” 

*INSERT CONFUSED LOOK HERE*

Then he demands and I mean DEMANS to know who we were, what we were doing, and how we needed to convince HIM to drink our product instead of his usual drink. 

*INSERT EVIL CINDY LOOK HERE*

So I smiled, told him we were having a fresh fruit vodka sampling event, but we’ll be starting in 20 minutes. Please come back then.

Jerkface returns in 20 minutes and asks me if I work directly for this company and what my name is. So I just said Cindy and yes, and moved on to our next guest who now wants to mix strawberries with passion-fruit booze… ooohhhh fancy…

By now I clearly realize Jerkface (in the white shirt below) is on some power trip and annoyed that we didn’t shower him with instant Jerkface attention. I decide quickly he just needs to be ignored so we can work in peace and try to have a very much needed good time. 

Out of the blue, the dude jumps and I MEAN JUMPS in front of a crowd of folks walking by and says: “Would YOU guys like to try these new vodka flavors?” The crowd says “yeah!” And Jerkface glances at them, looks and points at me, and says: “See? I just wanted to show everyone how you REALLY should be doing your job.”

So by now this piece of work hasn’t just rubbed me the wrong way, he’s bumped and PUSHED me the VERY wrong way. But since I’m working and representing a brand, I can’t really tell him to crawl back in the wall crack he escaped from, so all I said very loudly and in a clearly condescending tone was: “Thank you! That’d be grrrrreat… If you actually knew what my job was.... Take care now.”

*GRIN*

Translation: I hope all of your teeth fall off and someone finally finds a cure for asshole-itis.

But wait, there’s more…

Fifteen minutes later or so, Jerkface wanted to know why I had turned a woman away and NOT given her a complimentary drink…. *sigh* I asked him why he was keeping track of what I did and told him that if he had a problem with our event he should call the marketing manager for the brand I’m representing and OH WAIT… that would be me. Have a good night. Okay the last part just crossed my mind but didn't actually come out of my mouth. Damn this professionalism.

I saw him speaking later with that woman he thought I turned away and over heard her say, “What are you talking about? She offered me a drink and I said I’d come back when I was done with my wine.”

Oh Jerkface....

At the end of our shift I asked the bartender who that guy was but he had no clue. I asked him if he knew why he was being such a pest and he shrugged and said: “Beh, [Jerkface] told me he didn’t like you from the moment he saw you.”

NICE.

PS. Fine... I hope you keep your stupid teeth. 

PSS. Karma, you better do your thing here! 

Jerkface